Why is Grieving a Breakup or Divorce So Hard?

Although grieving the death of a loved one is difficult, the grief of a relationship loss is more complex. It's important to understand how this type of grief is different and what we can do to heal.

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How Do I Know if this Relationship is Right?


Ever wondered how to know if a relationship is right for you?

It’s a big one: is he the one I want to spend the rest of my life with? There are probably only a few other decisions that have such an impact on our happiness.

Considering the importance of this one, it’s amazing how little help we get in figuring out how to do it. Asking your partnered friends may result in advice like, ‘you just know’ or ‘you feel it or you don’t.’

In my groups for women going through breakup and divorce, I hear a lot of reflections on how people got together. Many women say they had a sense that it was what they should do, or that it was the best relationship they’d had so far, or that they assumed no one better would come along.

Surprisingly, we often make this decision without much awareness of how we're deciding, until it falls apart.

When we’ve been hurt by a divorce or breakup and are ready to risk getting close again, we’re usually in overdrive looking for red flags. The problem is, somehow the list of his troublesome qualities can begin to seem endless.

We’re all familiar with the prevailing wisdom that relationships take work. But how to sort out what relationship work is okay to accept and what isn’t? What parts of our issues are due to my (or his) baggage and what parts are real? Which red flags should I pay attention to and which should I let go?

Are you thinking, ‘yeah, those are good questions!?’

Click Here to hear me talk about how I’ve learned to navigate them for myself, post divorce and pre-second marriage later. 

I’ll share how I stopped the search for red flags and learned to feel my boundaries, navigating relationship from a more empowered place. I’ll talk about how to keep taking the next step in getting closer and then checking in with your heart. And I’ll touch on how I deal with one of life’s hard truths: that failing at this doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision.



How to Survive Divorce: What You Can Do to Manage Difficult Emotions and Truly Move On


Divorce is one of the most difficult transitions you’ll ever experience. It’s the big earthquake toppling every major pillar of your life: your primary relationship, finances, home, family, friendships, and your role as a parent.

People are often surprised by how much loss and confusion they experience even when they leave the marriage. If you’ve been left, add to this mix the devastation of rejection.

While you’re working overtime to clean up the rubble and rebuild on the practical front, something deeper is also happening. The emotional ground underneath your feet is full of rifts and is still shaking.

You’ve lost the very structure your life has been built on and your purpose in it. Your vision of a shared future together, the way you thought your life would go, is over. Your identity in the world as a married person is suddenly gone.

At the time I knew nothing about the impact of this deeper process. My divorce was a crisis on a scale that I had never known before. Although the practical arrangements happened fairly quickly, I was left to figure out how to navigate whatever was happening to me emotionally.

Honestly, it scared me and at times nearly overwhelmed me. I went from a person who “kept it together” to a person who couldn’t help not keeping it together.

Click here to read the full article on Psyched Magazine.